Maturity

The state of being mentally and emotionally well developed, and therefore responsible. This is the Cambridge definition of the word. Not everyone is a leader, and of course, if everyone was a leader there would be nobody to be led. But to quote Gary Barlow, “some people mature nicely like a red wine or a cheese, but some people mature like a bad curry.”

Due to the fact that I don’t drink red wine or eat cheese, this is a perfect example to talk about. People can, like was mentioned by the Take That singer, mature in a good way. But that’s a way that I don’t relate to. And I mean sure, at least they aren’t maturing like a bad curry, but how would I know whether they are maturing like a red wine, a cheese or a curry. I see things very black and white.

My black and white thinking isn’t based off any sort of bigotry- far from it. I just have my own perception of what maturity looks like. I have my own set of beliefs about the way people should act in public and such like this. And when I see something that makes me feel insecure or uncertain, I like everyone else has the right to comment on that and criticise.

OK, you could say that as long as the actions somebody portrays in public do not harm another individual, diminish another person’s confidence or break any form of laws, then fine. Go ahead! But even the average behaviour of a teenager. I don’t like this! And how long does the threshold stretch before a youngster does something they’ll regret.

I’m talking about maturity because of some news that I have recently received, which has really overwhelmed me, and just put all these thoughts into overdrive. But using this medium is a healthy place to discuss it, or the easiest place to discuss it. Mainly because I’m not directly speaking to anybody face to face, which just continuously brings back the overwhelming emotion. If people want to approach me about it, that’s absolutely fine. But I have made the decision so many times over the past 7 days to discuss it that I no longer feel comfortable enough to be the one to start the conversation about it face to face.

When I was a teenager, sure, like everyone, I learned things about myself. I learned which people I associated with. Which of my peers I could wholeheartedly trust, and who would end up betraying that trust. And at that, the betrayals that would shock me, seen as things were said that would assure me of long term friendship. How wrong I would be. But when there’s great loss, there has to be something to balance the books, right. I’m happy with the people I have in my life beyond these moments. They have given me more reason to be optimistic and to think that maturity is perhaps seen through similar eyes by other people. Or maybe now I just have friends who are old enough to not make such careless mistakes and abuse people’s trust. Either way, learning was done. I also made errors, which were forced, purely because at that time, there were individuals in my friendship circle, who unexpectedly decided to make a fool of me.

So it can be incredibly difficult to decipher who are the bad curry individuals, and who are the red wines and cheese individuals of this world in terms of maturity. I mean, the bad curry types, I would genuinely use much harsher terms to describe but you’d never criticise those individuals like that in public. Purely because you wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of those people. It’s like booing a bad X Factor contestant. Is it worth fighting fire with fire? I guess the only reprieve there is you as a judge behind the panel or a crowd member are protected by security. Not so easy outside of a context like that though is it. And a ‘bad curry’ could harm an individual at the drop of a hat. And no “flagging down a bus” will change that. I mean what a genius idea that was… not! Particularly in a world of unreliable public transport at the best of times. The red wines and cheese of this world, well, they are alien to me. But yet they are different to the bad curry people because they are probably a lot better off in terms of morals and integrity. I’d just not want to witness any “funny business”. Larking about, as some people might put it, while my eyes have to witness it. Be my guest if you can handle that. Quite frankly I don’t want to be held up walking through town because someone decides to shove someone into me. Lame. Grow up!

Essentially what I’m trying to say, and I again stress this has nothing to do with bigotry and everything to do with finding common ground, is I just hope that there are people who see the world through similar eyes to me. People who see the same definition of maturity that I do, which is not limited to what the Cambridge definition is but also includes things such as not playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto at the age of 8 and watching inappropriate videos online, even at any age really. I don’t, because I see no value in it. All I see there is something that poses more harm than good. But people still love to cross those lines for whatever reason.

Anybody wants to find people they have common ground with. But in the grand scheme of things, very rarely do people have everything under the sun in common, and that’s my guess as to where arguments start brewing. And what comes next, well, that’s why human interaction is so complex, and why my relationship with such is right where I want it to be. On my own terms. Not invested in anything where I feel trapped, or in any scenario where I could be exposed in some way. And for the sake of sanity, I feel like having this relationship at dare I say more than arms length from people, is less of a strain on your mind. You can focus on your own things that make you happy then. The forcefield of family for starters. A loving family who should be there to help anybody navigate the extreme lows (like I’m currently experiencing) plus the highs of holidays abroad or a competitive Christmas game of Monopoly (I’m usually the winner of those).

It’s why I want the next 10, 20 years to go snail slow. I mean I bet like me, you all spent every moment from 2020 until late 2022 wishing time by until we got out of that dystopia. I don’t want to live like that… Ever. Nor should anyone live like that… Wishing time by until we live in anything resembling a normally functioning society. The only thing was though that some of this that I’m feeling right now didn’t exist back then, because nobody was going out as much. There were less cars on the road, and a lot less of your average sad news story. But like I say, I want time to go slow, because I want people around for a long time who have values and at least make an effort to portray a strong moral sense and have strong integrity. I don’t want to imagine life without these people. Because then I get scared that there are less values. And I don’t want to spend every waking moment looking at a PowerPoint presentation listing the values I thought existed, which to my mind in certain cases, diminish.

So if anything, I just want you to take away with you from this, portray strong morals. Show integrity. Enjoy your life without doing so in a way that could end badly. Surround yourself with good people and those who are similar to you in as many ways as possible. Speak to someone, whether that be a volunteer from a mental health organisation, or someone who can help you to make sure you are safe and healthy. And I plead with the country I am a resident of, to make me optimistic once again, and to feel like better days lie ahead, and that I don’t have to expect the worst. Nobody should feel like that. Love, hope and compassion. These are values everyone should have. Be it not that these are things I ever see lacking! I want to see evil extinguished and experience the consequences. And finally, I want to detect decency by default. This should not be a demand that is unrealistic! A final thank you to those who help individuals like myself to navigate through situations like I’m currently facing. And this is why I want time to slow down. So the world can be further graced by your value.