Time to Talk Day 2024

Introducing Time to Talk Day

Image alt-text: The image shows a beige coloured dog, with a brown nose and brown ears. The dog has a blue marker pen in its hand and is marking a calendar. The background the dog is standing in is pink.

Another mark in our calendars, Tine to Talk Day is here once again. Whilst there is a mark of importance for the day as a benchmark, this should also be a time for reflection. That is… A time to reflect on our culture surrounding mental wellbeing, whatever the context.

Labels

Image alt-text: Pictured, is a lady with brown hair, wearing a blue top. The caption reads: “You learn something new every day.”

Whilst there are so many labels out there, it is important to remember that, whilst some words and pieces of terminology can be unhelpful, in some cases, the opposite can be true.

Just the other day, I was speaking to someone about the fact I had gone to bed, with this worst possible feeling of being unable to explain in logical words and sentences, how I was feeling. My mind was completely blank. It was like the Titanic had hit the iceberg all over again. Little did I know, that there is actually a way I could explain this feeling in 1 word. That word being… Alexithymia.

Alexithymia is a word linked to the neurodivergent community, as it is often associated with conditions such as ADHD and Autism, the latter of which is one of two neurodivergent conditions I have, the other being Dyspraxia.

Another thing I have a problem with at times, is expressing my thoughts on the spot. It takes me a long time to think of how to articulate what I want to say. And I place this kind of importance on what everyone else thinks about certain things before my own thoughts. Again, little did I know that this is essentially what’s known as Imposter Syndrome.

The importance of words like this to me, at least helps me to understand myself better. For people who aren’t neurodivergent, it may be difficult to understand why these labels actually do anything. But for someone like myself, without the acknowledgement of the issue, there can’t be a logical pathway to further support.

Being Psychologically Safe

Image alt-text: Pictured, is the yellow animated character, Homer Simpson, wearing a white shirt and blue trousers. He is hammering a sign into the ground reading, in capital letters: CAUTION

When you are approaching mental health conversations, of utmost importance is making sure that the individual you are speaking to feels psychologically safe to engage in that conversation.

I am incredibly fortunate that within my circle, I have a number of people who may not know the answers, but do have an element of lived experience. In general, these are the people that I gravitate towards more. It is much easier speaking to someone who may have a neurodivergent individual (s) in their family, so they at least have a decent base to begin the conversation from.

But that’s not to push the novices away. I would actually be inspired to try and be vulnerable, for lack of a better term, in front of those who perhaps are less of an expert. Because, let’s face it, you can’t become an expert at anything unless you learn.

An element of caution is needed, however. It is important to think before you ask those deep questions. I am someone who appreciates the deep questions, as I’m not great with small talk, though it does provide a good distraction at times. I’d much rather try and find a solution to a problem and avoid it and watch it manifest in potentially more dangerous ways. There are, fortunately, many resources out there that can help people to instigate conversation around mental health topics.

Unhelpful superlatives

Image alt-text: Pictured, is a lady, with long brown hair, wearing a brown top, and white trousers. She is gesticulating with her arm, reinforcing the message, which reads: “Consistency is the key.”

We can often get caught up thinking about superlatives, and the reason as to why I think they are unhelpful, is the competition behind it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think with so many things that get created within the mental health environment or the neurodivergent environment or anything similar is created with good intention. But when it comes to a benchmark day like Time to Talk Day, and there are certain resources you get given as a kind of token gesture to take part, there are elements of it which you may feel unable to fulfil.

Take making a drink for someone as an example. Sure, if it’s a glass of water, brilliant. That should be straightforward to achieve. But I wouldn’t want to be the one who messes up the consistency of someone’s cup of coffee or tea. I’ll gladly leave that to someone else. And that’s even before I spill a quarter of it due to not being able to grasp the mug in my hand very well.

This is why the simple things are so important. Rather than who can be THE BEST at making someone a coffee or who’s got THE MOST life-changing tips to turn your life around, in my mind, it is about the little things. The small, manageable tasks we can do, which don’t involve any sort of competition. Consistency of the messaging is more important than having loads of different ideas, that actually begin to overwhelm a person rather than help them.

Helpful Podcasts

Image alt-text: Pictured, is the character from South Park called Mayor McDaniels. She has green hair, and is wearing a dark green suit, with gold earrings. She is sitting in front of a window, with red curtains opened to let the light in. She is making a speech, saying: “I think we’ve already found a solution.”

The last thing I wanted to share with you, are some helpful podcasts, which discuss mental health topics. Some of these podcast hosts, are also MIND ambassadors.

Firstly, is Happy Place, hosted by Fearne Cotton. She has had numerous guests on her podcast, including Dame Kelly Holmes, and a man I rate as a COVID lockdown hero, Joe Wicks.

Another podcast I enjoy is Open Mind, by Frankie Bridge. Frankie, just like Fearne, is an ambassador for MIND mental health charity. The podcast is again a space where she and her guests discuss the breakdowns and the breakthroughs, with the message being: Speak out. Ask for help. And be helped.

How could I forget, the brilliant High Performance Podcast, hosted by Jake Humphrey, as my final pick. As sport is one of my special interests, I love to listen to what creates that high performance environment. But don’t be fooled, whilst many people who have been interviewed on the podcast are from the world of sport, they have had other high profile individuals on there too. The most notable of recent time has to be none other than Gordon Ramsay. I genuinely loved seeing this different side to the hot-headed, steam coming out of his ears, Michelin Star maverick.

If anything, I feel like listening to these kinds of podcasts help people to take stock, and realise they want to show up better in other contexts in their life. Perhaps the question of “how can I change my pace and perspective in my life?” springs to mind here.

Closing statement

Pictured, is he actor, Leonardo Di Caprio. He is wearing a black dinner jacket, with a white shirt, and black bow tie. He has an upbeat expression on his face. The caption reads: “Until next time.”

Here is to making #TIMETOTALKDAY more than just one day. But one day of importance like this in the calendar, should be the lightbulb moment.

Let’s all learn together, and create a culture of mental health helpfulness, and leave behind the mental health hindrance.

Peaks and troughs

What does mental fortitude look like to you? Here is my most recent example of what it means to me. ⬇️

Image Alt-Text: The image shows a coloured image of Sam climbing up a Clip & Climb wall. Sam is wearing a black t-shirt with yellow printing on the back and grey shorts with white stripes. The wall features square grips, which are red, yellow, and green.

Here I am, mid climb, during a fundraising event. People could look at this photo and potentially think nothing of it. But hear me out. This was the most difficult wall to climb out of the 5 options, as not all of the square blocks had parts to hold onto for stability. I just about had the strength in my legs to push myself up to the next block from the one here, which is roughly halfway. But leg strength wasn’t the only thing I needed here. I felt the consequences of hurling my arms up as far as they would reach to get up to the top. Having Dyspraxia means that developmentally speaking, these movements are a bigger challenge for me than most who also took part. 12 climbs later, I couldn’t be happier to have accomplished this. And to be the one to do the final climb, this was a moment of pure determination for me.

Not everything works like this though, where pure adrenaline gets you over the line. I have also taken part in other activities where I learn that building mental fortitude doesn’t happen in one circumstance alone. Having recently joined my local lawn bowls club, I’ve lost all 3 games I have played in tournaments so far. But I take pride in this. In my most recent game, I managed to get to within 1 wood in the second set of a best of 3 match of one of the best players at the club, who has played in county games and been one win away from claiming one of the best rewards in the sport. Losing doesn’t have to mean doom and gloom. Sure, in game 1, when all was going to plan and then my opponent made several great plays, I wasn’t in the greatest headspace and ultimately caved in. But it is a sport of fine margins, which has its elements of winning by luck at times. So it wasn’t the end of the world to me. But it was a time of experiencing the troughs of mental fortitude rather than the previous peaks.

Building resilience with a neurodivergent profile, like everything, takes a lot more time than for the average person. And I won’t shy away from saying that over the years, I have again, experienced the highs and lows of resilience. I put this down to masking. Because in the most heated moments, when emotions rise to the surface, you ultimately don’t want the worst of it to show.

I have completed a 24 mile walk whilst carrying an injury, I won the Spirit of Rugby award at the age of 7-8 and recently contributed to winning a quiz, when I managed to salvage an answer just before the finish. All different examples of my staying power. These are the things I need to remember in order to experience the highs.

Image Alt-Text: The image shows a gold trophy with golden engraved writing with the words: 2006/07 Spirit of Rugby Award

Experiencing the lows is part of life. Everyone will go through them of course. It’s just how you deal with them. I wouldn’t say that the way I deal with them is the most healthy. But I don’t have all the answers whilst still early on in my development. It’s something I can learn, and want to learn. Losing my most 2 recent lawn bowls games whilst not throwing in the towel once my opponents got ahead, was a much better example I shall continue to use to hopefully do better next time.

As someone with a keen interest in the psychology of sports teams and how they reach the peak of mental fortitude, the questions I have learnt that you have to ask yourself are: 1. What do you really want? 2. How much do you really want that thing? and 3. How much are you willing to suffer in order to reach the intended destination? These are the questions asked to the people within professional sporting organisations by the sports psychologists, Bill Beswick. He has worked under coaches such as Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United), and Stuart Lancaster (England Rugby Union).

The way I like to look at things is this. 1. What would a good outcome be? 2. What would an even better outcome be? 3. What would the best outcome be? These are things I’m learning from the professional world as I join various webinars on different topics. What these things do, whether you relate to the sports psychology version or the alternative version, is they help you to visualise success. But not only do they help you to do this, they help you to visualise the journey to getting there.

Image Alt-Text: The image shows a set of white staircase, drawn in chalk. Above step one, the word good is featured. Above step 2, the word better is featured. Above step 3, the word best is featured. There is a bright orange arrow at the top left of the image.

One thing my mind finds incredibly difficult to process is unpredictability. So it is better for me if I can visualise what the peaks and troughs actually look like. But not to dwell on either. Because success and failure aren’t linear. Just because you win one award or trophy doesn’t mean I’ll win hundreds of trophies that’ll be difficult to find room for. Neither will failure mean that for the rest of my life, I will never experience the joy of even just progression and realisation of my talent, never mind gold laden shelves to show for it.

But what would a blog about peaks and troughs be without including a moment of comedy to end it with. Here is something you could see in 2 ways. It’s like throwing the book of mental fortitude for dummies in the river. Also known as, me deciding that going on a 6 mile hike would be best achieved wearing sandals. See below for details ⬇️

Image Alt-Text: The image shows a light brown wooden medal, with 2 trees carved in the middle and words carved below reading: Wally Of The Day Sherwood Forest 2008

Just call me unconventional. I’ll definitely wear that medal with pride.

Until next time!

Maturity

The state of being mentally and emotionally well developed, and therefore responsible. This is the Cambridge definition of the word. Not everyone is a leader, and of course, if everyone was a leader there would be nobody to be led. But to quote Gary Barlow, “some people mature nicely like a red wine or a cheese, but some people mature like a bad curry.”

Due to the fact that I don’t drink red wine or eat cheese, this is a perfect example to talk about. People can, like was mentioned by the Take That singer, mature in a good way. But that’s a way that I don’t relate to. And I mean sure, at least they aren’t maturing like a bad curry, but how would I know whether they are maturing like a red wine, a cheese or a curry. I see things very black and white.

My black and white thinking isn’t based off any sort of bigotry- far from it. I just have my own perception of what maturity looks like. I have my own set of beliefs about the way people should act in public and such like this. And when I see something that makes me feel insecure or uncertain, I like everyone else has the right to comment on that and criticise.

OK, you could say that as long as the actions somebody portrays in public do not harm another individual, diminish another person’s confidence or break any form of laws, then fine. Go ahead! But even the average behaviour of a teenager. I don’t like this! And how long does the threshold stretch before a youngster does something they’ll regret.

I’m talking about maturity because of some news that I have recently received, which has really overwhelmed me, and just put all these thoughts into overdrive. But using this medium is a healthy place to discuss it, or the easiest place to discuss it. Mainly because I’m not directly speaking to anybody face to face, which just continuously brings back the overwhelming emotion. If people want to approach me about it, that’s absolutely fine. But I have made the decision so many times over the past 7 days to discuss it that I no longer feel comfortable enough to be the one to start the conversation about it face to face.

When I was a teenager, sure, like everyone, I learned things about myself. I learned which people I associated with. Which of my peers I could wholeheartedly trust, and who would end up betraying that trust. And at that, the betrayals that would shock me, seen as things were said that would assure me of long term friendship. How wrong I would be. But when there’s great loss, there has to be something to balance the books, right. I’m happy with the people I have in my life beyond these moments. They have given me more reason to be optimistic and to think that maturity is perhaps seen through similar eyes by other people. Or maybe now I just have friends who are old enough to not make such careless mistakes and abuse people’s trust. Either way, learning was done. I also made errors, which were forced, purely because at that time, there were individuals in my friendship circle, who unexpectedly decided to make a fool of me.

So it can be incredibly difficult to decipher who are the bad curry individuals, and who are the red wines and cheese individuals of this world in terms of maturity. I mean, the bad curry types, I would genuinely use much harsher terms to describe but you’d never criticise those individuals like that in public. Purely because you wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of those people. It’s like booing a bad X Factor contestant. Is it worth fighting fire with fire? I guess the only reprieve there is you as a judge behind the panel or a crowd member are protected by security. Not so easy outside of a context like that though is it. And a ‘bad curry’ could harm an individual at the drop of a hat. And no “flagging down a bus” will change that. I mean what a genius idea that was… not! Particularly in a world of unreliable public transport at the best of times. The red wines and cheese of this world, well, they are alien to me. But yet they are different to the bad curry people because they are probably a lot better off in terms of morals and integrity. I’d just not want to witness any “funny business”. Larking about, as some people might put it, while my eyes have to witness it. Be my guest if you can handle that. Quite frankly I don’t want to be held up walking through town because someone decides to shove someone into me. Lame. Grow up!

Essentially what I’m trying to say, and I again stress this has nothing to do with bigotry and everything to do with finding common ground, is I just hope that there are people who see the world through similar eyes to me. People who see the same definition of maturity that I do, which is not limited to what the Cambridge definition is but also includes things such as not playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto at the age of 8 and watching inappropriate videos online, even at any age really. I don’t, because I see no value in it. All I see there is something that poses more harm than good. But people still love to cross those lines for whatever reason.

Anybody wants to find people they have common ground with. But in the grand scheme of things, very rarely do people have everything under the sun in common, and that’s my guess as to where arguments start brewing. And what comes next, well, that’s why human interaction is so complex, and why my relationship with such is right where I want it to be. On my own terms. Not invested in anything where I feel trapped, or in any scenario where I could be exposed in some way. And for the sake of sanity, I feel like having this relationship at dare I say more than arms length from people, is less of a strain on your mind. You can focus on your own things that make you happy then. The forcefield of family for starters. A loving family who should be there to help anybody navigate the extreme lows (like I’m currently experiencing) plus the highs of holidays abroad or a competitive Christmas game of Monopoly (I’m usually the winner of those).

It’s why I want the next 10, 20 years to go snail slow. I mean I bet like me, you all spent every moment from 2020 until late 2022 wishing time by until we got out of that dystopia. I don’t want to live like that… Ever. Nor should anyone live like that… Wishing time by until we live in anything resembling a normally functioning society. The only thing was though that some of this that I’m feeling right now didn’t exist back then, because nobody was going out as much. There were less cars on the road, and a lot less of your average sad news story. But like I say, I want time to go slow, because I want people around for a long time who have values and at least make an effort to portray a strong moral sense and have strong integrity. I don’t want to imagine life without these people. Because then I get scared that there are less values. And I don’t want to spend every waking moment looking at a PowerPoint presentation listing the values I thought existed, which to my mind in certain cases, diminish.

So if anything, I just want you to take away with you from this, portray strong morals. Show integrity. Enjoy your life without doing so in a way that could end badly. Surround yourself with good people and those who are similar to you in as many ways as possible. Speak to someone, whether that be a volunteer from a mental health organisation, or someone who can help you to make sure you are safe and healthy. And I plead with the country I am a resident of, to make me optimistic once again, and to feel like better days lie ahead, and that I don’t have to expect the worst. Nobody should feel like that. Love, hope and compassion. These are values everyone should have. Be it not that these are things I ever see lacking! I want to see evil extinguished and experience the consequences. And finally, I want to detect decency by default. This should not be a demand that is unrealistic! A final thank you to those who help individuals like myself to navigate through situations like I’m currently facing. And this is why I want time to slow down. So the world can be further graced by your value.

World Mental Health Day 2022- ‘making mental health for all a global priority’

It is of huge importance to me to make sure that mental health services serve their purpose. I believe that there are many scenarios where investment is made in things that aren’t necessarily required. I also believe that there needs to be a push to put the right people in positions to understand the needs of people across the world. Of course I talk from a very small piece of that world writing from the UK and commenting on a less broad context. But I still want my point to apply. Today is World Mental Health Day- and the landscape of mental health support needs to face change in order for people to seriously benefit.

To me, the first cog in the machine of support is for extensive research to be conducted as to what the most pressing needs are. Only then, will people feel like they are on the right track to better wellbeing. It’s about being listened to. Feeling like your thoughts and feelings matter. This morning, I listened to discussions about mental health support, particularly as we approach the winter months. I made several points, particularly about how organisations can carry out training and guidance to carers, support workers and everyone in between. This would create a much better support network for an individual who may be on the verge of a crisis in my view.

There also has to be a shift in the mentality of the services which are currently available in how they deal with mental health from different contexts. I’m sure we all know the extent of the waiting lists, particularly in the UK, for any kind of support, whether for mental or physical health. Sure, there are things being done to help people who suffer from things such as loneliness by putting information in health centres about local groups. Of course though, people actually have to be able to get there. If for example an elderly person or disabled person of any kind is unable to drive, how are they supposed to be able to get to groups out of town. Best of luck accessing an incredibly unreliable public transport system. And I should know- having experienced this many a time getting to work. Rural areas are significantly worse off when it comes to public transport.

Logical thinking gets the world moving and moving in the right direction. This is why there has to be coordination within discussions in order to knit these things together. To join the dots so to speak. There has to be ample choice of things to do for people in our towns as well as our cities. There also has to be a multitude of ways to travel if needs be. I just want people to be able to be independent.

The disparity in our communities can be lessened. Of course it can. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s a battle. But we’ve got to be in this battle together in order to provide for people who simply don’t have those choices available to them to live a life of fulfilment. Workplaces are definitely improving their understanding. Again, I should know. I have interviewed people who have undertaken training and further development in order to understand more about a wider spectrum of mental health conditions. I can’t tell you how crucial it is for employers to have an understanding of anything beyond the simplistic. Mental health is complex. It can be very difficult to explain. Most of the time I feel mentally sound, but externally, my skin would often tell me different. But I keep in good spirits because you have to. I do suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder and mild symptoms of depression. But I have an incredibly loving family and amazing friends I’m incredibly grateful for.

Love, compassion and support get people a long way towards positive mental health too. I would like to think the majority of families are tight-knit and have that togetherness. It’s not always so simple, although it should be. Those 3 words at the top of the paragraph should be enough for families to love one another and not fall out or become divided in other ways. I have to say I truly hate the stories I hear about of fractious families. It’s just sad. But again, there should be a way to access support before it gets to that state.

At the end of the day, I wish to take this time to wish everyone the best and hope you all have a great week ahead. I continue to be hugely passionate about the changing of infrastructure to support a huge upturn of mental health, rather than the crisis that continues to cripple health services all over the world. By having effective management individuals in place who take the time to understand the needs of the people, there really can be a positive movement here. There’s a huge difference I’m sure you’ll agree, in spending money on services you think people will need versus investing in things that people really can and will benefit from. Positive mental health shouldn’t be circumstantial. Positive mental health should be felt by all. Until next time.

Creating Hope Through Action

There are many things that give us great hope. Whether it be people, animals- or different types of plants. I truly believe there is something out there calling for people to believe they have worth and believe in their place in the world.

Today is no small day in the calendar. It is World Suicide Prevention Day. A day recognised by the United Nations. How fitting, that this year’s theme is all about creating hope through action.

Here in the UK, as well as around the world, news broke on Thursday, September 8th, that her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, had sadly passed away. I doubt there was a dry eye in any household once this news hit.

As I sit here, I feel this the perfect moment to pay tribute, to someone I feel who was the very pinnacle of hope. She CREATED hope through her wise words. Her very words helped a broken, highly irritable me 2 years ago, during the midst of the Covid pandemic. Her words “we will meet again”, these created hope instantly, in a world where we are about as close to mainstream media scare tactics than we are to rats. If she was so sure that eventually we could all once again congregate with friends and enjoy making lasting memories, her majesty is not one to create false optimism. And so it would come to be… We would see our dear friends again.

It is the shaping of us all. The ability to be optimistic shapes us into more positive people, with a mindset of resilience. But what comes with this, is also the other parts of our psyche that Queen Elizabeth II had a huge impact on. She helped created a collective camaraderie. A sense of togetherness. Warmth. A sense of humour during otherwise what could be classed as distressing times. An attitude of perseverance during adversity whether personally or collectively.

Hope is that key word that to me… Connects all of these parts. It’s like it being a puzzle. The things I mention above are all of the remaining pieces and hope is the picture. The action… Is putting the picture together.

As far as I am aware, a considerable amount of people don’t complete jigsaw puzzles together. They may be completed by 2 people or as part of a larger group. I am very grateful that I am able to complete these proverbial or pretend “jigsaw puzzles” due to having a great network of people around me. It is truly about the quality of the people you have around you, rather than the quantity. Having a small number of loyal, dedicated friends and family members makes the world of difference. Whether you are a huge fan of the Royal Family or not, you will be able to see the dedicated work for example done by our now new King, Charles III, within the Prince’s Trust. This organisation has and will continue to provide hope to people in the form of opportunities, of which there are plenty for people to realise their true potential.

So what this really shows, is the hope that is brought about via the actions of extraordinary people, and particularly 2 members of the Royal Family who I know more about. But not only do the seeds of hope bloom from the actions of extraordinary people. As they say- not all heroes wear capes. I have had the pleasure of connecting with many heroes, both in person and online via different support groups.

It is together that we create hope for each other. If there is one thing I feel, it is the sheer determination to grow as a person. To learn new things and explore new opportunities. To learn to embrace my lows as well as the highs. Because if we never learn to appreciate adversity we will never overcome it. Every positive action we produce, which includes the times we fall down, we can teach each other. We can teach each other of the many reasons there are to be a part of this world. Don’t give up! We can do this. Together! May I leave you with one question today: what will you do to create hope through positive action?

Until next time. Have a great weekend and take care everyone.

Adapting, moving on and the challenge of accepting things that create uncertainty

There are a multitude of things that happen in life. Everyone gets on with life and in some cases people don’t really bat an eyelid over situations that I’d expect would warrant more of a reaction.

Over the past year or so, I have grown in confidence. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting people of different ages and being able to gain wisdom from them and hopefully help them learn things from me too. Often the thought process is that the best anecdotes come from older people. Not always necessarily the case though. Young people can have the same amount of wits about them that someone double their age or more.

It’s when these people move on that it becomes more emotional. You just don’t expect it at times. It just lands at your doorstep like that 53rd letter you’ve had from the opticians telling you about an eye test you’ve already had. And by that I mean it’s unwanted. The upheaval is unwanted.

Having Dyspraxia and some Autism features make it difficult enough navigating the world socially. It just adds more anxiety thinking about how to sustain connections or even whether some people really want that if the connection was forced to be more a professional one rather than a friendship for example. Again, just more questions that I ask myself and spend ages thinking about the answer or what I’d want the answer to be.

There are some quotes about adapting and moving on and emotional intelligence that I want to discuss- purely from the standpoint of making more sense of things.

It’s words like these that make life more difficult. For me personally, there’s a lack of understanding of people with varied challenges to always say that we have to adapt to the world. Another thing I hate is this thought process that some people or a fair few people in a similar situation to me live a sheltered life. I don’t want to be viewed like that if I’m honest. I don’t want to be a control freak either. But I generally think the world can be anxiety inducing enough already without saying that people are essentially better people if they adapt to what I think is a broken world where a multitude of things need fixing. And the pressure of progress being dependent on people like me… To be honest you’ve got to love it. Because in many contexts I’d say I’m reliable. But this is the point I check out and let people create their own expectations and reality. Don’t depend on me and don’t take advantage of people like me is what I’d say!

Some things in life could hugely benefit you at different stages. You could’ve learnt something of use early on, and you hold onto that. You could’ve met a friend for life at school and want them in your life forever. I know I would. As I’ve said, it works better for me to make my friends earlier on in life and try my best to hold onto them all. Mainly because I don’t expect to make new friends or have the confidence enough to join different things in order to meet people of a similar age. This has improved and I have met a few people over the last year or so. But again, it’s the lack of being told that at some point there will be less and less time to be around these people. And then comes the inevitable burnout where given the choice, I’d probably avoid all social contact on a given day where I feel all my household jobs (changing my bed, doing my laundry and steaming my clothes) are in jeopardy. And I don’t mean to be the definition of boredom, but I’d rather complete household chores to leave space for the excitement of social interaction rather than enter social situations for a time that’ll be decimated by the thought of having to complete household chores. It’s difficult to know what the right thought process is. These are just the words that make sense right now.

At this point, I definitely have a more enhanced understanding of myself. Included in this, is an understanding of my skills, my threshold for attention and the sort of people I want to be around as well. I feel I express myself well around people. I feel I can adapt to people and collaborate with people better as I’ve had the opportunity to get involved in different things. The demands, challenges and pressures of understanding are something I feel other individuals have that don’t have any hidden differences. But rather than be a hindrance, I want to step outside of my comfort zone by doing presentations on Dyspraxia, Autism, Anxiety and how these things affect my life. The Venn diagram is something that relates a lot because mental health is more of a challenge for people like us who by default, are less understood. This is why I also live by my wish of making the world adapting to us, rather than us adapting to it. And I’ll bang that drum as long as I live. Because I feel the way I try to do things makes the world more inclusive and more understanding rather than more restrictive and therefore more downward spiralling for people.

It doesn’t surprise me that suppression has less to mass struggle. Keeping emotions hidden is something I’m a master of, though I will let you into the fact that I cried at the end of Toy Story 4 and when the England Women won the Euros. If you are interested to know more, here goes: Toy Story 4 left me emotional because one of the group of friends was essentially saying goodbye. And not knowing what would be the next phase of life caused that emotion to arise. Secondly, I’m a football fan. I love football. And it made me so proud to finally see my nation win something. It was just a true portrayal of determination, of people working together to create a lasting memory for the country and hopefully again create a more inclusive world where, in this context in particular, more women want to play football and feel encouraged to do so if this is something they wish to pursue. There’s just two examples of emotions that have come to light for me. I hope this could help people to share things that have made them emotional too. Not every emotion has to be a really bad one or feel heavy.

Of course, like it says here, there should be no issue with people being open about how something has affected them. Everyone has a different emotional threshold. And because of how challenging the social world is to navigate, if people leave my circle so to speak who I wish to stick around, this will affect me. You don’t replace people. Nobody has a chart on their wall at home with a list of characteristics and a clipboard to go and carry around to find a replica of someone who meant something. See- while this would be strange to witness, pardon me for feeling aroused by the idea. I know people who have (of course jokingly) mentioned the idea of cloning people who hold that much value. I’d just simply say that if a mutual connection is found between 2 or more people, please make the effort to stay in touch. You could have just given someone a serious lift to their mood by exchanging contact details and the like.

This is an interesting point, considering I see myself, and have had analysed about me that I’m a note logical type of person. But does a logical person become illogical if they fail to see how the world is mapped out- or how things turn out. Essentially what I’m trying to say here, is that it’s almost like the pressure increases of people needing to realise that those who may be a part of your life at some point, won’t always be of that sake value if they become more distant for any reason. So what does that make me? A creature of logic and a creature of emotion. I kind of already knew this. No shock horrors here!

I hope this has made sense to people. There are so many things in play that affect me in times of change. As I mentioned at the beginning of this piece, I feel more confident to step outside my comfort zone. But that’s not supposed to be a substitute for the regulation of emotions when important people to me move on and changes are made that could impact the way I perform or whatever. Until next time!

Shutdown

Where do I start!? I’m dealing with so much overwhelm right now. But via today’s post, and to coin some lyrics from one of my favourite songs right now “Let me show you what it means to be human… To be wanted, to be vulnerable… Let me show you what it means to be human… To be helpless, and emotional… Let me show you what it means to be human.”

Now I won’t go brutal with this next point or maybe not as brutal as I’d sort of planned to- but I’m sort of writing this while I’m either I’m affected by slight nasal hay fever (or whatever makes my voice sound different today). I’m in a mood because of this, because (and back to the point), it comes down to choice doesn’t it. It comes down to the fact that if you make the choice to be sociable, chances are the next day you wake up worse for wear. And I’m not even drunk! Never have I been or will be drunk. That’s what worse for wear usually means- but not for me. If I hadn’t decided to go and join a lawn bowls session yesterday morning and evening, maybe I’d be in peak form. I mean I don’t feel ill by the way. I don’t have the shivers like I did when I had Covid back in March or April. All I have is probably hay fever. Yet hay fever symptoms were talked about in the summer of 2021 when newsreaders and people everywhere were still obsessed about something nobody can avoid. And enough people are vaccinated now. So don’t even try and avoid it- because it’s foolish. Yet I’ve just made a point avoid avoiding people in order to not be ill. See how flippant some things make me!

The reason why I feel like this right now, is that I’m always on the go. I hate the idea of resting or actually trying to rest. The only positive of hay fever tablets is they make you sleepy and actually fall into an effortless nap. Rest takes effort. It takes effort to get to sleep and rest properly. That’s why I hate it. And by the way that doesn’t mean I hate everything that takes effort before you berate my values. I’m currently very passionate about what I’m doing in terms of researching topics regarding disabilities and mental health in particular. And I don’t want to be suffering from anything right now especially because I want to further this research and get as many results from my surveys as possible. Then I can analyse the results and liaise with people to find the best ways to help the community locally to me and in the future more nationally hopefully, to better their overall health and wellbeing.

Health and wellbeing can be supplemented by numerous things. It’s just so difficult when the people who usually discuss this don’t really have inclusion in mind in numerous studies they do. It’s like reading. Now I’ve tried to become more interested in reading books. I’ve got enough of them on my shelves. But I struggle to process what I read. And this podcast talks about reading aloud for 30 minutes per day. Not something I can say I really want to do. Because I speak aloud for more than this per day. And I can’t say my understanding of the world is enhanced. Only understanding of people’s different agendas, some of which I really do hate. I mean the only agenda I probably don’t hate right now is SAVE THE POLAR BEARS. I’m one for a start (as per this animal personality thing I once did at an interview) but literally SAVE THE POLAR BEARS! It’s hitting record temperatures in their part of the world right now. Forget the ice caps, it’ll be them that’ll be melting in their current circumstances. But as I said, some person will make this agenda into a witch-hunt against various people and all kinds of wrong beyond that because they think pedalling their own agenda makes the world better. I’d say just do what you want within reason, listen to good music, surround yourself with good people who’s vibe matches yours and as long as you are able to function- keep doing that. You don’t have to listen to some radio genius who would probably think all these different things are so easy to incorporate into your life. A family friend of mine is right in this regard… Life just gets more complicated when you reach the age of 21. I’m beyond that, so I guess I’m prepared for how overwhelmed life will get moving forward.

In terms of something that would make the world better for certain, is more inclusive leadership. There must be a number of people out there who have the personality and skills to run sports clubs for example. Let me ask you this: If I’m totally new to a sports club, do you think I’m going to remember everything that’s said to me about what’s going on? I have Dyspraxia and some Autism features which make life mentally more exhausting. But people don’t help themselves to create a good rapport with people like me. They just make people like me more irate and more determined of people’s genuine 24 carat incompetence. Of the lack of patience and expectation that straight away I’m going to fit right in and know everything about each environment I try to integrate into. If there were more people out there in the right kind of positions life would be easier. To be honest, life would be even better if public transport was actually reliable and allowed me to get to such events or at least to to events and get a picture of the sort of leadership that exists in these settings. But public transport is a joke right now. So if bus drivers have flocked to drive lorries… Come back… And get those who can’t drive and need to get to work and social environments back to these settings. The lateness of buses has made me particularly angry recently. All of these public transport workers have got more money than me. So why are they complaining? They’ll probably or most likely have a family who will be supporting them financially, as do I. But do what’s right for the majority and allow people to live a prosperous life. With these transport issues, we may as well be back in a terminal lockdown again. I mean doesn’t it already feel like it anyway? Cost of living crises. Petrol prices on the increase further lining the pockets of big fuel companies. Someone try and tell me I’m wrong!

Some of what I’ve said in here is flippant. But everyone is a hypocrite really aren’t they? Because people will say that people who are in the current mental state I’m in are being irrational. But those same people will be irrational themselves at some point. Because their understanding of the world is their truth, not THE TRUTH. Just the same as people like me. Though I’d love what I really believe to be THE TRUTH. Of course I would. I’d love to shut down everyone else’s arguments about what’s right and wrong. But it’s human psyche. When you are younger and have been on the planet for longer, you want your own understanding of things to be found commonly by other people for the most part so then you spend less time arguing. But arguing is another human thing isn’t it? Like loads of people argue. They make up, but they argue! I’d love for it not to be a thing because I think it truly kills the mental health of anyone involved in the furore. Human emotions are so difficult. But everyone has them and we all have to make the effort to understand whether someone’s in a sunshine state or a cloudy conundrum.

What I’m thankful for between all of this anguish, is that I have people in my life willing to try and understand why I feel this way. I also connect hugely to music. In the absence of music that hits me emotionally, I just love music anyway, especially the new genres I became passionate about funnily enough just as Covid became a thing in 2020. One had to find some escapism during that time didn’t they. So that’s why I shared some lyrics at the start of today’s post. Because I wanted you all to “let me show you what it means to be human!”

Mental Health Awareness Week 2022

Another Mental Health Awareness Week is with us. This year’s theme is one that is possibly the most relatable for me. Loneliness.

Time moves on, and as this happens, I think we truly wake up to the fact that loneliness isn’t just something that could affect elderly people. We often hold this thought as it seems fairly legitimate that people of an older age may struggle to get out and about more than their younger counterparts. I don’t think it’s that unreasonable to point that out.

However, I have done some digging around for various information about this year’s topic for Mental Health Awareness Week. The biggest factors that affect a person’s chance of being lonely include: being widowed, being single, being unemployed, living alone, having a long-term health condition or disability, living in rented accommodation, being between 16 and 24 years old, being a carer, being from an ethnic minority community and being LGBT+.

Some of these are things are not things that keep you in that lonely category forever. But some of them make life more difficult and can be a bit soul-destroying at times. I’m going to be fairly explicit here and point out that the main factors which contribute to loneliness for me are that I have Dyspraxia and Autism, I am single, I sometimes look after myself completely and I’m at the latter end of the 16-24 scale. So essentially three and a half of the 10 factors affect me, and if you want to see it in a different context, 35% of me feels lonely, while 65% of me doesn’t.

Having additional challenges of Dyspraxia and Autism (with positives included of course) does make fitting in socially more of a challenge, and unfortunately does tend to make me want to hold myself back. It takes time to feel like I’m where I want to be in an interpersonal sense. I’m learning that and I am always trying to build my confidence to join in with any group related things or put myself into a scenario where teamwork is involved.

I could guess that not a single person out there is 0% lonely. But what I can say as a positive thing is that I have some incredibly encouraging people in my life. Some people have only been a part of it for a short time but have been very encouraging and helpful in making me feel seen and heard. The more systemic a world becomes (as in the more inclusive it becomes for everyone), I feel this helps us to decrease the impacts of loneliness.

Flexibility is a key concept to how loneliness is tackled. As we have reached the end of the Covid crisis of 2 years ago, people are now, at least to my mind, getting back integrating into society again. We need to be together again- that’s an understatement! Family Monopoly games need to be had, club dancefloors need to be filled while the joy of the music spreads across the room, and we need to experience the thrill of connecting with people who could become a new friend for life. Sports arenas and stadiums need that electrical energy to return to feed the athletes who bring us glory. I got a bit carried away there. These are just passions of mine. Especially Monopoly, I’m a born winner at that.

But it’s true though (what I said about flexibility). There are a multitude of ways that the world can become more flexible in how we reduce the amount of people who suffer with loneliness. Conversation is important wherever you are. At home or at work. Why not invest in some mood type faces or mood wheels with words on them? This could help us all identify how each other are feeling and also have that system readily in place to support someone who may well be feeling lonely. Loneliness itself can impact many areas of a person’s life and can make someone close themselves off from the world. #IVEBEENTHERE. Only recently during the bank holiday weekend, I lost track of time and therefore wasn’t able to see my friend and spent the day feeling low and not cheerful. This started the spiral towards low mood and poor processing of all kinds of important information elsewhere in life.

That’s my most recent story involving loneliness. I wanted to share it to raise awareness of the impact. The mood boards and mood faces I now use frequently are definitely a positive solution to helping people (particular I’d say people like myself) to rebound from an overwhelming experience and become our cheerful selves again. Let’s lessen loneliness!

We need to talk about the dangerous culture that’s emerging

The thing is with mental health, there are so many different prongs to it. It’s like a 5 point star. In fact it’s more like a dodecahedron of destruction at times.

Recently, I have witnessed 2 different things. 1 being closer to home in my own national football team and 1 in the Oscar’s. I’m sure everyone knows about these. But I want to revisit these and make it crystal clear how people don’t seem to like any sort of human reaction that exists anymore. Before it’s too late- we simply must cancel the people who started off and are keeping this cancel culture rife. Cancel culture is what started this world into more of a dystopia than a utopia. And I want it, for my own sanity, to be more of a utopia where people are free to express themselves provided the way they do so isn’t abusive or if they are discussing sensitive information, that it isn’t based off agenda, and that it is factual.

Firstly, the homegrown incident involving an English footballer. This footballer, who I really can’t be bothered to name because he doesn’t deserve the respect, was booed. Now, that’s not my style. I’ve been to football games. I don’t boo and I don’t shoot abuse. But booing a player isn’t abuse. This is where the mainstream media need to be thrown in the bin, and anyone who is in the #justicefortheplayer camp. A boo is just a sustained noise of disgruntlement. Abuse is actually making personal attacks on a person’s life, and as I have seen online in various comments sections, often involving the person’s family which is vile and has no place in society.

But as I said, this football player has been performing terribly pretty much every week since the European Championships in 2021. And he deserves every bit of criticism that comes his way. He needs to silence the boo brigade by performing well on the pitch and acting like the captain of my favourite club rather than coming out regurgitating the same #wegoagain rubbish week in, week out. I can do this without personally attacking the guy. I can say it in a sentence: “personally, I don’t feel your performances merit a call up to my national team or a starting place in the side for my favourite club side.” There you go, pick out the abuse. For sure, someone who reads certain newspapers like The Guardian will definitely come at me at some point labelling me as such. Again, they need silencing. Because there are standards- and they shouldn’t be allowed to be in the cellar in any walk of life.

So let’s move on to #SLAPGATE. Hot topic. Can I just ask though, what do you expect if you try and be funny but mock a condition someone has at the same time? Let me ask another question: Do you think that if you stuck your head into a beehive that you will bring your head out smelling of honey? There are lines that can be crossed and lines that can’t. Whether it’s in a physical or verbal context.

As a child, I used to play rugby. I had people who went too far in a physical context and played antagonist. One such person got sat on for his troubles. That was, until I was told I’d get sent off if I stayed sat on him. Some people need teaching a harsh lesson. I’m all for giving people something back that they deserve. Essentially equal to what I was victim of because sitting on someone isn’t as spiteful I believe as conjuring up a plot to essentially trip someone over and then have someone purposely pushed on top of you. You really think I’m going to let that slide? Again, there will be the sensitivity brigade who think no no you can’t react like that. Yes I can! I’d do the same every time. If I got sent off, it’d been an embarrassment. So I listened to the referee and did what I did until I was told the threshold would result in punishment. There’s no problem with that. Professional rugby players have probably done it. Other athletes have done worse and not been cancelled.

I really would honestly mentally check out of a world where you weren’t allowed to be critical or cynical anymore. That’s what I thrive off. As I said before… I have standards. A particular thing I’ve witnessed numerous times is packets of crisps from the supermarket not packed properly. Now I’ve never actually commented about it. But here’s the thing. If I were to say it without launching a hurricane of words towards someone, that is allowed. Because someone has made a mistake and the same mistake shouldn’t keep happening. It’s about actually being the best, not just trying to be the best. It’s like me and Gordon Ramsay. I’m trying to be the best chef. Gordon Ramsay is the best chef. He has standards. And people receive am earful if they aren’t up to scratch. That’s how I roll.

Obviously, certain things aren’t right and like I said there are lines you cross and lines you don’t. But each individual has to deal with things in their own way. Why does it have to be the business of the whole country. Or the entire mainstream media if 1 person decides something is or isn’t right. It’s like certain things which are actually facts but certain people will be adamant they aren’t because they have their own little agendas bubbling away to try and change science or history. Not everyone needs to know everything. That’s why I don’t watch the news. I don’t need to know everything. I already have a picture of what the world is like and where the world is dangerously going day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. I’d do everything I can to not let this new found horde of cancellers in either direction take over.

What the aim should be, is for people to actually realise there is room for difference of thought. Difference is great. Authenticity is great. But there’s also reality and fact and all the other things that should ground people and not let people get carried away that everything has to be right according to them. Not everything is right. But what is right, is that people are heard and seen and listened to. On both sides of the coin. And remember… Let this be a lesson… Critique is not abuse. They are poles apart. And someone can say something is positive if something believes the opposite. Someone can say something is negative if people believe the opposite. We are humans. Not sheep! So we need to stop believing what people want us to and think for ourselves!

If you don’t laugh, you cry

Literally. The title… I second it. If you don’t laugh, you cry. Joking about some things helps me to “grin and bear it.” Because if I didn’t- I know I’d be straight back in that dark place again thinking bad thoughts. And I don’t want to do that.

Ultimately I want to prosper. I’m too scared to say the live long bit because I’m scared of the process of aging. I’m probably going to stick to a mantra of never taking a photo when I look like I’m aging and going grey. Because I just want to enjoy life and have minimal worries. But I feel healthy right now and that’s what I’ll champion in the here and now.

But it’s impossible! It’s impossible living in a place where at one time or another, the media, humans (yes, actual humans) are talking about national crises like an energy crisis. Things like this stress me out so much. They make me argumentative, I lose all compassion for the world, I grow in contempt, and I lose my will for wanting a rational and mature conversation. After all, I find the art of conversing with people with no shared reality to myself an unfathomable challenge. Dyspraxia for you. With a dusting of Autism.

I don’t really know what people expect from someone who’s not your average person. If I was the average person, life would be do boring lol. I do sympathise to an extent with people. But that’s it. Like yeah, OK, people are struggling out there in the world. Lots of things are unprecedented. I truly get that. But bringing up young people, I don’t think parents of 20 something year olds bother telling them about the very possibility that crises the world over are going to impact your mental health. Because they don’t want us to worry. And the rest that comes with that and maybe the generosity leaves you worse off. It’s a double-edged sword. Shared reality or your own reality that you’ve worked for!

Of course some things aren’t that simplistic. Some people don’t have the same chance. But I as an individual can’t control that… And I don’t plan to either. I want to get to grips with my own life and create foundations that I’m happy with. Don’t you realise that worrying about things you can’t control batters people’s mental health further! So my pledge is to never worry about things outside my circle of thought ever again. Why would I do myself the discomfort?

There’s so many things I question about the world. It does take a chainsaw to my energy levels as well. This morning I enjoyed going to a group therapy and was able to discuss my wants and needs as a neurodiverse individual. This was incredibly refreshing, and being heard and asked questions about why I have the mentality towards things that I do… I can’t lie… It was wonderful. The 8th wonder of the world!

All I really want to do, is be a part of a world that I don’t have to worry about the present or the future. I already have enough anguish from past experiences to put energy into present and future thoughts. I NEED various things to provide a safety net for me. I WANT to have enough resources so I can buy my favourite things and continue living the way I do- with inevitable changes on the way later down the line which will be able to hopefully increase that. As I said at the top of this post… I want to prosper. And at the moment, while I’m afraid of all this talk of a crisis… All I can do is laugh and make a joke out of it. But that’s OK, right? Doesn’t laughing heal the soul? That’s what I was told.